Deciding whether to end a marriage is personal. But once divorce becomes a real possibility, there are practical steps to take before you have that conversation with your spouse.
This isn’t about hiding assets or preparing for war. It’s about understanding your situation before you make decisions that are hard, and sometimes impossible, to undo.
For more than 40 years, Hoffman, Larin & Agnetti has represented South Florida families in divorce and family law matters. One lesson comes up again and again: what you do before a divorce begins can matter as much as what happens after it’s filed.
Here are ten things to think through first.
1. Talk to a Divorce Attorney Before You Make Any Major Decisions
Talking to an attorney doesn’t mean you’ve decided to get divorced. It means you’re getting information.
Before you say anything to your spouse, you should understand how Florida law applies to your specific circumstances: your home and other property, bank and investment accounts, retirement benefits, any business, alimony, child support, time-sharing, and debts.
This matters most right before you do something difficult to walk back. Moving out. Agreeing to a parenting schedule. Transferring money. Signing a document your spouse hands you.
Get advice first. Make decisions second.
2. Understand Your Family’s Finances
In many marriages, one spouse handles the money. If that isn’t you, now is the time to get the picture.
You should know what you own, what you owe, what comes in each month, and where it goes: checking and savings, investment and retirement accounts, the mortgage and home equity, credit cards and other debts, taxes, insurance, business interests, and your major recurring expenses.
You don’t need to become the family accountant. You do need to understand the financial life you may soon be dividing.
3. Gather Important Financial Documents
Make sure you have copies of the records you’re lawfully entitled to access: tax returns, bank and credit card statements, mortgage documents, retirement and investment statements, pay stubs, insurance policies, loan documents, property records, and business records, if applicable.
Be just as careful about how you get them. Don’t take documents you don’t have the right to, and don’t try to access password-protected accounts. In Florida, recording a private conversation without everyone’s consent is a crime, and so is intercepting your spouse’s messages. Evidence obtained that way can be thrown out, and it can turn you into the problem in your own case.
The goal is to preserve what you already have legitimate access to, not to run your own investigation.
4. Know What You Owned Before the Marriage
One of the central questions in a Florida divorce is what counts as marital property and what may be nonmarital. Florida courts divide marital assets and debts under Section 61.075 of the Florida Statutes, and that classification comes first.
If you entered the marriage owning a home, investments, a business, or retirement savings, gather records showing what you had and what it was worth around that time. The same goes for inheritances and gifts received during the marriage.
Here’s why it matters. An asset that started out separate gets complicated fast if it was mixed with marital funds or grew in value during the marriage. The paper trail is often what decides the argument.
5. Don’t Start Moving or Hiding Money
Fear makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do.
You may be worried your spouse will empty an account or cut off your access to money. That’s a real concern, and it’s one to raise with your attorney. What you shouldn’t do is quietly drain accounts, move assets to relatives, hide cash, or adjust business income to keep it out of the case.
Florida requires both spouses to file a sworn financial affidavit and exchange records under Rule 12.285 of the Florida Family Law Rules of Procedure. Money that moved right before a filing tends to get found, and then it has to be explained to a judge.
Protecting yourself and hiding assets are not the same thing.
6. Think Carefully Before Moving Out
When a marriage is unhappy, leaving feels like the obvious first step. Sometimes it is.
But before you go, understand how it could affect the practical shape of your case, particularly where children, possession of the home, monthly finances, and temporary parenting arrangements are involved.
If there’s domestic violence, or you’re worried about anyone’s immediate safety, the analysis is completely different. Safety comes first, and there are tools to address it quickly.
Otherwise, don’t assume you have to be the one to leave just because you’re the one considering divorce. Talk to an attorney before you pack.
7. If You Have Children, Start Thinking About Their Actual Daily Life
Most parents come in asking the same question: who gets custody?
Florida doesn’t use that word anymore. Parenting cases are decided in terms of time-sharing and parental responsibility, and since July 2023, Section 61.13 of the Florida Statutes starts from a rebuttable presumption that equal time-sharing is in a child’s best interest. A parent who wants a different schedule has to show the court why it fits that particular child.
So think about what your children’s days actually look like. Who gets them ready in the morning, handles drop-off and pickup, goes to the appointments, helps with homework? What are the activity schedules, where does extended family live, and what would two households mean for school?
Don’t position your children against your spouse. Don’t ask them to pick a side. And don’t promise them where they’ll be living before you understand the issues involved.
8. Be Careful About Texts, Emails, and Social Media
Assume anything you write could be read by someone other than the person you sent it to. Texts, emails, social posts, direct messages, comments, photos, all of it.
The weeks before and after a separation are emotional. A message sent in anger reads very differently six months later when it’s marked as an exhibit.
You don’t need to disappear from the internet. You do need to use judgment.
9. Think About Your Life After the Divorce, Not Just the Divorce
Divorce is a legal proceeding. Your life afterward is much bigger than the proceeding.
Where would you live? Can you carry the house on your own? What happens to health insurance? What does your work schedule mean for parenting? Which assets actually matter to your long-term security?
People sometimes fight hard to keep an asset, usually the marital home, without working out whether keeping it makes financial sense. The goal isn’t to win the divorce. It’s to come out of it in the strongest position to move forward.
10. Have a Plan Before You Have the Conversation
You don’t need to secretly build an entire case first. But you should know the basics: your legal rights, where you stand financially, your biggest concerns, what to avoid doing, and what happens next if your spouse reacts badly.
For some couples, that conversation leads to mediation and a cooperative process. For others, it turns contentious immediately.
You can’t control your spouse’s reaction. You can control how prepared you are when it happens.
Should You Take Divorce Advice From Friends or Social Media?
No. Friends and family are invaluable for emotional support. They’re usually not a good source of Florida divorce law.
What happened in your friend’s divorce, or in one described on TikTok or Reddit, may have almost nothing to do with what happens in yours. Every marriage has different assets, income, children, debts, and history.
Before you make a decision that affects your family for years, get advice based on your facts.
And please, stay off social media during the divorce process. Not only will your soon-to-be ex and your children see the tweets, pins, and posts, but so will the Judge. Read the “Getting Divorced? 7 Golden Rules About Posting on Social Media”.
Considering Divorce? You Don’t Have to Decide Today
Meeting with a divorce attorney doesn’t commit you to filing anything.
Sometimes the most useful thing an attorney can give you at this stage is clarity: what your rights are, what your risks are, what you should be doing now, and what you should not do under any circumstances.
For more than 40 years, Hoffman, Larin & Agnetti has helped families across Miami-Dade, Broward, and Monroe counties navigate divorce and complex family law matters. We will meet with you at any of our 4 offices, via Zoom or by phone.
If you’re seriously considering divorce, the best time to understand your options is before you make your next move.
Hoffman, Larin & Agnetti, P.A. has been helping South Florida families work through parenting and divorce issues for over 40 years. If you’re contemplating divorce, we’re glad to talk through your options.
Contact Hoffman, Larin & Agnetti today to schedule a confidential consultation with one of our experienced Florida family law attorneys.
Call us 24/7 @ 305-653-5555 Text us @ 305-653-1515 Email us @ [email protected]
or complete the form on this page, and one of our family law attorneys will call you
FAQs
Do I have to tell my spouse before I talk to a divorce attorney in Florida?
No. Consulting a Florida divorce attorney is confidential and does not require your spouse’s knowledge or consent. Talking to an attorney also doesn’t commit you to filing. Many people meet with a lawyer to understand their options and decide not to move forward.
Should I move out of the house before filing for divorce in Florida?
It depends on your circumstances, and it’s a decision worth discussing with an attorney first. Moving out can affect your home’s possession, temporary parenting arrangements, and your monthly finances. If safety is a concern, that changes the analysis entirely and should be addressed immediately.
Is Florida a 50/50 custody state?
Florida uses the terms time-sharing and parental responsibility rather than custody. Since July 2023, Florida law begins with a rebuttable presumption that equal time-sharing is in a child’s best interest. That presumption can be overcome, but a parent seeking a different schedule must show why it serves the child.
What documents should I gather before filing for divorce in Florida?
Tax returns, bank and credit card statements, pay stubs, mortgage documents, retirement and investment account statements, insurance policies, loan documents, and business records if you own an interest in a business. Gather only what you’re lawfully entitled to access.
Can I withdraw money from a joint account before filing for divorce?
Moving or hiding marital funds before filing is a serious risk. Florida requires sworn financial disclosure from both spouses, and unexplained transfers become an issue in the case. If you’re worried about losing access to money, raise it with your attorney rather than acting on your own.
This article provides general information and is not intended as legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship.
